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Smart Ass 
 
A boy wanted to skip kindergarten so he could join the third graders. His teacher, shocked, took him to the principal’s office. The teacher and the principal decided to ask the boy a couple of questions as a test. “What is 3 x 3?” the principal asks. “9,” the boy answers. “What is 6 x 6?” the principal asks again. “36,” the boy answers.” The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think he can go to the third-grade.” “Wait, let me ask him some more questions,” the teacher insists. The principal agrees. “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?” the teacher asks. The principal’s eyes opened wide in horror. “Coconut,” the boy answers. “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” the teacher continues. The principal can’t believe his ears. “Bubblegum,” the boy replies. “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do,” the teacher goes on. “Tent,” the boy answers. “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.” “Arrow,” the boy answers. “Damn it, put him in the sixth grade,” the principal interrupts. “I got all your questions wrong myself!”

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It's Such a Baby!
 
A year into a serious relationship, a man proposes marriage to his honey. The woman accepts, but with a warning: “My boobs are just like a baby’s.” The guy brushes it off, saying that he loves her and size doesn’t matter. But he also gives a warning of his own: “My penis is also like a baby.” His girlfriend brushes it off, saying that she loves him and size doesn’t matter.

They marry and hie off to their honeymoon. At the hotel suite, they begin to undress. The bride reminds the groom of her warning but he says not to worry. When she gets naked, the groom is taken aback—they are the smallest breasts he’s ever seen! He then proceeds to take off his pants, reminding his new wife about his word of caution. The wife is shocked. “Good God almighty! I thought you said your penis was like a baby?!” The husband replies: “It is! Nine pounds and 21 inches long, like a newborn babe!”

All these masterpiece was taken from Bar Room Jokes of

www.fhm.com.ph

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Believe 
 
An atheist at sea is thrown overboard into shark-infested waters. He struggles to swim back to his boat but a very hungry shark is already hurtling toward him. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the Great White open, revealing its teeth in horrific splendor, the atheist screams: “Oh God! Save me!” In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The voice of God booms as the man lays motionless in the water. “Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?” Confused and panicked, the atheist replies: “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?” “As you wish,” the Lord replies. The beam of light disappears and the man find himself about to be attacked by the shark again. As the atheist stares in horror at his imminent death, the shark suddenly stops and pulls back. The Great White closes its eyes, bows its head, and says: “Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive…”

it's a LOVE made from HEAVEN